Two and a half women

We just got back from an interview for Planet Japan, a podcast originating in Okayama, hosted by our friend Doug (we met him when Agape bought a school in Okayama -- he is the former owner.) He was interested in our adoption story and this is the first time I've talked about it on the radio. I think we were a departure from the typical "light-hearted look at life in Japan" episode, but it was an interesting experience for us and Bonnie had a good time. In addition, Doug has a huge collection of DVDs and he lent us some! So now we're watching Leave It To Beaver and Andy Griffith. Yippee!

You can listen to the poscast at: http://planetjapan.org. It's called Two and a Half Women. (Doug interviewed another woman about a different topic -- guess Bonnie is the half!)

The shownotes are at: http://planetjapanpodcast.blogspot.com.

nametag sends me over the edge

Having an interesting night tonight. I just lost it and cried for the last half hour because I saw Bonnie’s PE shirt laying out for school, which made me realize that I had to write her name and grade and classroom letter on it before PE tomorrow because I havent’ done it yet, even though she’s been in school for three months now.

And the reason I haven’t done it is because it has to be done in a certain way – the letters have to be a certain size, done with a specific kind of pen on this material you can buy at the store that has to be cut to the precise size and ironed on. But, since she will be in second grade in April (the school year starts in April here) I will have to change it all again so I should really baste it on rather than iron it on . . . and I don’t’ know where the iron-on material is that I bought to do this with and I can’t find the paper the school gave me with the precise measurements and placement of everything AND to top it all off and what sent me over the edge is that I don’t know how to write it all in Japanese and I can’t read the Japanese instructions blah blah blah.

AND there is more that I can’t even begin to get into here about school. I am really stressing out her teacher, apparently, and there is misunderstandings on all sides and I can't communicate so really can’t straighten it out. And I don’t want them to treat Bonnie any differently than the other students, but they are constantly offering to do it so I thought it was OK, but maybe it isn’t . . .

And the e-mail list that Iused to vent to isn't safe anymore because someone on there thinks I'm a negative person who is ruining Bonnie's life. So every time I post something, I am wondering what she will think of it and if I'm proving her right that I really am a negative person who is ruining Bonnie's life.

And I think everyone hates me.

And I hate myself most of all.

And I can’t go back to the U.S. cuz I can’t get a job there so I should really stay here another year, but Bonnie really wants to go home and cries every day before school.

Oh, and today on the way home from school some boys were pulling her backpack and supposedly calling her names (but who knows cuz B doesn’t speak Japanese, but the pulling the backpack was not nice anyway . . .) and I feel guilty that I have her here.

And I looked at her baby pictures tonight and realized that I will never, ever be going back to China for another baby. Ever.

And one of my favorite students told me tonight that she is quitting in April to move to Turkey and live with a guy she met on the internet . . .

So I just started crying and couldn’t stop. And I know this is culture shock because I just read an article that says when you have culture shock you act like this.

And that helps a little bit.

But, being me, I needed a place to vent. So here you go. My blog entry for today. . . If you reply, please be gentle with me!

Finally-some sightseeing

Last Friday night I told Bonnie about a Japanese castle in Okayama and she seemed interested in it so on Saturday I asked her if she wanted to go see it. After making sure she understood this was not a Cinderella type of castle but a man's kind of castle for fighting battles, we put on our walking shoes and caught the train to the heart of Okayama.

After a short ride on the trolley down the center of Okayama's main street, we hopped off and walked past Korokuen garden (one of the three most famous gardens in Japan, but not so great to see this time of year) to the outskirts of the castle.

Okayama Jo ("jo" means "castle")is one of only two black castles in Japan. The rest of them are white. In fact, one of the most famous castles in Japan is in Himeji, about 40 minutes east of Okayama by local train. Himeji Jo (White Egret Castle) belonged to Ikeda Terumasa, who was a rival of Ukita Hideie, feudal lord of Okayama. For Japanese history buffs, Ukita was an adopted son of Japan's first Shogun,Tototomi Hideyoshi, who united the whole country under a single authority in the 1600s. When Ukita built his own castle in 1597, he painted it black and called it Crow Castle (U-Jo) as a joke. The castle has also been called Kin-u-jo (Gold Crow Castle) because it's top roof tiles were gilded in real gold. Today there are some golden fish topping the turrets (something Bonnie noticed right away) which are really spectaular to see. At night, the castle is lit with spotlights and since it stands on a hill overlooking the Asahi River, it is a breathtaking sight if you happen to be taking a train over the water(which we have done many times).

While Himeji castle still stands, the original Okayama Jo, which had been recognized as a national treasure in the 1930s, was destroyed by U.S. bombs in WWII. In 1966 it was rebuilt using reinforced concrete and is an almost pefect replica of the original (something the Japanese seem very proud of). The only buiilding which completely escaped the air raid and subsequent fire was the Tsukimi Yagura (Turret for Moon-Viewing). This kind of turet is extremely rare anywhere in Japan. In addition to moon viewing, the turret was used to protect the castle from raids so it has peepholes ringing the bases of the walls. These are also quite unusual among Japanese castles. Bonnie was fascinated by them, as well as the natural stone walls made with round stones, one layer on top ofthe other (called "nozura-zumi). The corners are filled with smaller pebbles. She was surprised that the stones were real and wanted me to take a picture. Showing her discriminating eye, she later asked if she could play on the original foundation stones that were brought to a garden inside the castle walls during the 1966 reconstruction. Since I saw some guys using them as benches while they stopped for a smoke break, I told her to go ahead. She had a good time jumping from stone to stone and the only way I could convince her to stop was by pointing out that it was getting late if we still wanted to go inside.

After paying a noiminal $3 (half price for Bonnie) we got to see the museum inside. Unfortunately it was all in Japanese so we had to content outselves with climbing to the sixth floor to look out the topmost turret (right above a gorgeous golden fish) at Korakuen garden, which I'm sure would be beautiful if it wasn't winter. We also saw some the old samurai armour (which scared Bonnie) and pictures of the old castle and the reconstruction. Bonnie got to ride inside a replicated palanquin and pretend to be a Japanese princess, but I couldn't convince her to try on a kimono and wig and pose for a picture. When I lived in Okayama before, the castle had been closed for remodeling so this was my first chance inside. I really felt that Bonnie was finally getting some exposure to the culture of Japan and I was pleased that she seemed to enjoy it. Ever since we got back, she has been drawing pictures of the castle so I guess she liked it. She has even promised me that when my friend comes to visit in April, she will show her how to get to the castle while I'm at work.

Most of all, it was a nice day for us to bond as a family and share some of the culture. It was one of the best days I've had in Japan since we got here in June. Hope some of you can come visit us and see the castle for yourselves. I have to admit, I hope I have piqued some interest. We would really love to have some friends share this once-in-a-lifetime experience with us.

All Is Well

This is a picture of a typical Japanese Christmas cake. Ours looked a lot like this -- even the pink Santa! These cakes are VERY small and VERY pricey -- about $50 for this one that was maybe 6" across!

Just celebrated our first Christmas in Japan. Granted, I had lived here six years before, but didn’t spend many Christmases here and when I did, it was with other Americans. This year we were invited to a party at the Shimizu’s home. Ayano is Bonnie’s best friend and since her mom watches Bonnie three days a week while I work, Bonnie is like family. It had some of the trappings of an American Christmas, but was just a little bit – off. How many of the following surprise you?

When: The main event is Christmas Eve. In fact, by December 25th Christmas food and decorations are drastically discounted at the stores.
Where: Homes vs. church. The churches that had a candlelight service had them on the 22nd or 23rd (Friday or Saturday this year). On Christmas Eve, a Sunday, when you would fully expect a church service to be held – nothing.
Who: Christmas is not about family – that is New Year’s day. Christmas Eve is a time to have a romantic evening with your boyfriend or girlfriend! Christmas Day is a workday like any other. Fortunately, we got the day off (my first holiday since I got here in June), but had to make up the classes we missed. So . . . was it really a holiday?
What: Not surprising that Christmas is about presents and Santa, rather than Jesus. We have the same problem even in the U.S., but what surprised me is that it’s all about GETTING rather than giving. At Ayano’s party, the night was all about the kids – felt like a birthday. And the presents! Keep in mind that these are people Bonnie barely knew (Ayano’s uncles and aunts). She got a gorgeous pink confection of a princess dress with battery-operated lights embedded in it; a grocery store set for her Licca (Japanese Barbie) doll with food, shopping cart, shelves, check-out counter, etc.; a kind of sewing machine that makes beaded necklaces; a very expensive make-up kit; and a drawing set. I saw all these things at Toys R Us and each cost nearly $50. We had gotten Ayano a bathrobe, pajamas and slippers from the Disney Store online and had them all personalized with her name in English, but it was quite obvious that I should have gotten her a toy.
How: Shortly after we got to the party, people started bringing out these huge gifts for the girls, who tore them all open in less than five minutes. No time to admire what they got, not time to say thank you, no time to even pretend you liked it – just on to the next present. Then we had Christmas cake and ice cream. Turn off the lights, blow out the candles, eat. There were no gifts for the grownups at all. The kids did no GIVING but all receiving. And Bonnie was the only one who said thank you for anything!
Despite these differences, it was a lot of fun. We played Bingo and ate a lot of good food. Bonnie even won me a coffee maker and a set of chopsticks. We came home after midnight and opened our presents to each other. Although I had spent nearly $200 on her Christmas presents (thanks to a generous gift from America), they paled in comparison to what she had just received at the party. I tried not to, but felt a little bad. When I was growing up, my best presents were always from my mom. No one else even came close. And up ‘til now the same was true for Bonnie. Still, she seemed fine with it all and when it came time to play with all her new Christmas stuff, the tea set I had gotten her was the first thing she took out and set up, so maybe old mom did OK after all. LOL!
Bonnie tumbled into bed after midnight and I waited until 2 a.m. for her to fall asleep so I could put some stuff in her stocking from Santa. We were expecting company Christmas morning at 10 so I set the alarm for 9:45. We jumped out of bed and took off in our pajamas to pick up our friend Carla who lives about 5 minutes away. She doesn’t have a car so I told her I’d pick her up. She brought LOTS of presents and a potato casserole. After opening up the tons of stuff she got us (including a beautiful lacquer Japanese jewelry box – a gift from her Sunday School class to me!) Wayne (the other teacher at our school) and his mom (visiting him from the U.S.) arrived. More presents. More food. Grownups sitting around the table, drinking coffee, listening to Christmas carols downloaded to my laptop. Bonnie sitting on the floor in the midst of a heap of torn paper, ribbons, overflowing plastic bags of discarded wrappings and pieces of cardboard boxes that held Barbie dolls with new scarves, clothing and socks scattered around her. For a few hours I forgot that I was in Japan. I forgot my troubles at work, money woes, worries about the future. It was Christmas morning. All was well.

. . . and a happy new year!

Another gem from a friend on my adoption list. She got the following holiday card:

Let's Bond

Inside it reads simply:
It's 007

Happy 007 to all of you who are bonding with me through this blog!

A bright spot

Well, in light of my new resolution to be more positive, I wanted to write about one of the bright spots of my life here in Japan -- Bonnie's school.

The picture is not of Bonnie or even her school. Just something I found on the web to illustrate the blog. Will post her pix on her private blog when they are developed. Warning: They are CUTE!

• Name: Nagao (our part of town) Sho(little) Gakko (school). In this case "sho" means little children. It's also used for a small portion of rice.
• Teacher's name: Mrs. Tanino. She looks and acts just like you would expect from her name. Very bright, positive, loving and dedicated.
• Number of kids in Bonnie's class: 42. Bonnie is "ichinensei" (first year), "B" gumi (class)
• Number of teachers in B's class: 1
• Number of first grade classes in B's school: 3. Her school is considered quite large for Japan. The class size is average! Yikes!
• Number of pairs of shoes one kid needs for school: 3 (outside shoes, classroom shoes and gym shoes for the gym floor only). And they are a specific kind of shoes. The gym shoes have to be bought at a special store and the school shoes can only be one style, white with a yellow stripe. The principal was very specific about having a yellow stripe. NOT a red stripe. I've seen shoes with a blue stripe, too. Fortunately we bought shoes with no stripe and there are acceptable.
• Number of cloth bags one kid needs for school: seven -- 2 for shoes, one for gym clothes, one for the mask she wears when she's serving lunch, one for her pianica (a musical instrument), one for her library books, one for her special ed class. All are to be handmade to precise measurements and should be made out of quilted material. There are special mailorder stores that make these bags. We got most of ours from friends.
• Cost of a first grade school uniform: Too much! One pleated navy blue skirt ($40), one navy blue jacket with hideous red buttons ( $50), gym clothing ($40), gym shoes ($20), navy blue hat ($20), red/white cotton hat ($10). Then add on the school supplies (all very specific), the very expensive backpack ($100) that someone gave us, thank goodness. And you can see why I have not had much spending money since B started school in November.
• Is school free in Japan? Yes and no. I don't pay tuition, but I have to pay $50 each month for lunch. There is no option to bring your own lunch. I also pay about $20 each month for school supplies and they charge me for everything she uses -- paper to print her homework on, her nametag, art supplies, etc. On the other hand, there are no fundraisers!
• How the school day starts. The kids all stand and bow to the teacher. Then they sit down. The teacher calls out one kids name. He/she says, "Hi, genki desu" which means, "Here. I'm fine today" and then he/she calls out another kids' name. This continues until all 42 names are called. Not sure if this is done alphabetically or randomly. But the kids don't seem to take long to think of who to call so there must be some kind of system. Bonnie is the last one and she likes it that way.
• Climate control. Although school is in session year round and Japan is very hot and humid in the summer (think Orlando), there is no air conditioning. There is also no central heating. On December 1st a gas "stove" is brought into each classroom. The windows and doors remain open, though. Remember, the school uniform is a skirt for girls and shorts for boys! They don't seem to care. Bonnie wears a t-shirt and sweatshirt under her jacket. She is allowed to wear jeans instead of a skirt after December 1, but not sure when she has to go back to the skirt. I'm sure her teacher will tell me, though. We are given a lot of leeway because we are not Japanese and therefore can never be "really" Japanese and there is no need to force us into the mold. Still, Bonnie doesn't want to be different than everyone else so many days she wears a skirt.

Despite the lack of heat/ac and the large number of kids in her class, I love Bonnie's school. When I bring her there in the morning, the kids are all outside sweeping or watering the flowers, calling out "good morning" to us in Japanese. You can't help but be in a good mood when you see all those happy faces. When the kids in B's class spot her, they all come running to the door to help her change her shoes and get her homework out of her backpack, etc. Sometimes this can be a bit overwhelming for her, but I told her that everyone at her school really likes her. "Mommy," she replied seriously, "sometimes there is too MUCH liking!"

Anyway, I am never worried about leaving her there, like I was when she went to KG in the U.S. For a mommy, there can never be too much liking!

scum

Do I ever feel like scum. I got the following e-mail in my inbox today and I feel like some of that toilet overflow I wrote about earlier!

Quote:"I have been following your saga now for a few years, but I would like to say a few things to you. I hope you don't take it the wrong way but I really think for both you and Bonnie's sake some one should say it to you.
You are a very negative person and everything seems to be someone else's fault and not your own. every job you had starts out really good then you just dont' like it for one reason or another.
snip
I really think you have to start taking responsiblity for your attitude and for how you feel.
It will affect Bonnie and it appears to already have. How you feel about others and yourself no matter what you say and do will show through. You are not satisfied with any job or place you live.
I move a lot in my job and I learned early on that if I think I don't like a place I don't if I think that I will find soemthing great about it I will. i know think of it as an adventure and really find something great about every place so when I leave we really miss that something. At one time when you were heading back to Japan you said it felt like going home, until you got there then it wasn't good enough. I see a pattern here and you really need to break it or you may break Bonnie, do you want her like you are? Go get help and don't think they can't help you or they don't know something and you don't have a problem and it is just everyone else.
You really need to take responsiblity for your actions and your FEELINGS, don't keep complaining about your boss, your work, where you live that only makes things worse. Find something positive and forget the rest.
If you move back to the States in 2 months you will be unhappy with that and complaining about no job or the job you have, no money and why not.
Remember kids are very perceptive I think Bonnie knows you are not happy with most things. Make yourself happy and if you can't find some help to help you."
End of Quote

This has weighed me down all day. Is it true? It rings true -- kind of. Did I need to be told in this way? Maybe. If you are my friend, please tell me what you think.

Karyn

hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go

aka: the Japanese work ethic.

The Puritans have got nothing over the Japanese! Last week some of my adult students were discussing why they hate their jobs.

Yoshiyuki s a social worker. I'm not sure why he chose this profession because he doesn't especially like working with people. He wants to do something that allows him to work alone with details: like accounting or computer programming. But he is stuck in this profession because it is nearly impossible to change careers in Japan once you start. He works seven days a week and hasn't had a day off for months. If he reports this to the Japanese labor office, he will lose his job. The job market is tough here so he continues to work. He tells us that he comes to Agape because it is the only fun thing he does all week!

Rie is a graphic designer. She is very talented, but she has a job that doesn't allow her to do anything creative. She is looking for another job, but the market is tough . . .

Yoshie teaches English at a junior high school. She is also the volleyball coach so she works on Saturdays for practice and Sundays for meets. She hasn't had a day off since the school year started in April. There are hundreds of people waiting to take her job if she quits.

Chiharu is also an English teacher at a different junior high school. Last year she worked full time, but she asked for a part-time job this year. She still works more than 40 hours per week, but has weekends off. She has no benefits or retirement plan.

Although I work for an American company, I get no national holidays off. I get two weeks vacation per year, but not when I want to take them. If I'm sick, I have to make up the classes I missed. Yesterday I was in the hospital, hooked up to IVs with a grusome stomach virus. I couldn't sit up. Last night I fought a fever with chills and sweating all night. Today I am expected to work. If I don't, I have to make up the classes another time (when?) so I will be dragging myself in there.

The Japanese people have many material blessings, but they pay a price for them. I do not know a single Japanese person who is happy with his/her job situation, doesn't feel overworked and has more than one day off per week.

If you are female, you have one escape: get married. Many married women don't work outside the home. I have met these women, too. They are bored and unfulfilled, desperately lonely and once they have children, they live vicariously through them.

We want Agape to be a place they can come to escape from all of this, but we, too, are overworked and underappreciated. This gives me a chance to identify with my students, which is good, but it's hard to find anything to give when you are drained yourself. Still, we know God and have Him to sustain us and give us hope.

I pray that Yoshiyuki, Yoshie and Rie can find an escape and that they will see God in it. I'm so glad that Agape is the bright spot in one person's week and it inspires me to be a giving person even when I don't feel like it. Now I know why Yoshiyuki is always making jokes in the class and doesn't want to be too serious. As a "missionary" to Japan, my role is to serve the Japanese people. I"m not a very good servant, never have been, but God is so creative. He has put me in a place where I can serve by listening, by identifying with them and even by making class fun. The challenge is keeping that perspective. Pray for me!

I want to ride my bicycle

Since I don't have a car, I've been rediscovering the "joys" of bike riding. I had only been here a couple of weeks when I realized I would need a kid seat for Bonnie. Only in Asia can you get something like this! Here's a picture of a bike that I found on the internet. It has a kid seat like Bonnie's. If I had a digital camera, I'd take a picture of ours, but this is close enough. The first time Bonnie rode in it she said she felt like a princess getting into a carriage. And I guess I felt like the horse!

Seriously, it's not that bad. I hardly feel her weight at all. When she's not with me, I use her little seat to carry groceries and stuff. Some people have another seat on the front of the bike that they use if they have two kids. Even though it's illegal, if you're a mom with no car, what else can you do? Most families can afford two cars, but they can't afford two parking places! So many young mothers (not as many nowadays as a few years ago) have to tote the kids on a bike with a seat on the front and on the back.

I have another bike that's parked at the other school I teach at. It belongs to the company we have a contract with and that's the bike I use to go to an English lesson at a car research and design company every Monday. (More on that another time). I love riding the bike in the middle of the afternoon to the lesson. It's a really nice break in the day and gives me time to transition from teaching the kids to teaching adults.

Riding back in the dark, though, is not so fun! The roads in the area meander around a river and there are several intersections where five or more streets meet. It's hard to know which way I should go since there is really not a "straight ahead" choice and the streets in Japan have no names. The first night Yumiko and I rode back from the school we got lost several times. At one point we were riding on a sidewalk that was overgrown with leaves from trees lining the side. I had to ride along, whipping them back with my head as I navigated in the dark (with no light on my bike). I couldn't help calling out, "abunai" (danger) as I macheeted my way though the urban jungle. At the same time, I was laughing at how silly it all would look to an American -- and probably most Japanese people, too. I have since found a better way to get back and memorized where to turn, but I'm not looking forward to this 15 minute bike ride at night in the winter. :( When I lived in Japan before, I got a car before my first winter, so I've never had a to ride a bike or even walk very far in the cold. Should be interesting.

Discovering the story within the covers

One week ago, my baby became a seven-year-old young lady. As we looked through her scrapbook together, I searched for baby Yang Yang in my daughter Bonnie. Yes, I could still hear that baby laugh when Bonnie was amused. I could see the look of innocence when she slept -- as always -- on her side with feet stretched out. And, thankfully, she still needed hugs from her mama.

When she was a baby she was like an unopened book. I could see the cover -- had some idea of the subject of her life, but the adventure began after I started reading. And I'm barely through the first chapter. What else is yet to come?

In a year she will be eight. When I was eight years old, my dad and brother died in "the" car accident. That tragedy was tatooed onto my life permanently. I'm thankful that Bonnie's "tragedy" occurred when she was a baby and when she is eight she will be covered with love, be certain that she belongs and know that even if something terrible happens, God will never leave her or forsake her.

Yes, we talk about these things. Since she has only one parent, she naturally worries about what will happen to her if I die. I did the same thing. I will not lie and tell her, "Oh, I'm not going to die." I know better. I do tell her that most parents don't die and I'm not planning on dying any time soon. But she already knows from her birth history that God has been with her from the moment she was conceived and He has taken care of her.

I have told her the story of baby Yang Yang over and over. Yes, there are some parts that are harsh for a child to hear -- but what is the point of ignoring them? Instead, I choose to put my own "spin" on them, avoiding the mistakes grown ups made in explaining my dad and brother's deaths to me (or more to the point -- avoiding the subject altogether).

Through it all, there was love.
*The love of a man and woman who wanted a family.
*The love of an expectant mother nurturing her unborn child.
*The same love that moved the mother to save her child's life by giving her up.
*The love of a heavenly Father who had chosen a mother in America for that child before she was born (I sent my papers to China 8 days before Bonnie was born).
*The love of a foster mother who took the orphan into her home and raised Yang Yang has her own, knowing she would never be called "mother."
*The love of my family and friends around the world who welcomed Bonnie with joy.

People who see Bonnie and I together often comment on how much we love each other. Because I didn't feel loved as a child, it is a priority to make sure Bonnie does. Although she was an orphan, she now has a family -- not only me, but good friends who have taken on the role of grandparents, aunts and uncles. She has proof in her life of God's love and protection through times of lonliness and abandonment.

Every novel has a theme. So far, Bonnie's story is one of love. I continue reading day by day, year after year. Can't wait to see what the next chapter will bring.

A New Friend

It's been an eventful couple of weeks. Our school has expanded so much that they brought in a second teacher around mid-August. It has been great to have a little relief and tomorrow is my first Saturday off since I got here. I will have two days off from now on. Yippee! Never thought I would be so happy about something most Americans take for granted. The Japanese basically have a six-day work week. Most kids go to school for a half day on Saturdays and most people go to work for at least half a day. I've been more or less on call from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. six days a week, although I never worked that many hours. During that time I would teach about 30-35 lessons (from 40-50 minutes each lesson) but they weren't always scheduled together so I'd teach for a couple of hours, have a break for 2 hours, teach a class, another break and then teach 3 classes. Not an easy schedule because it didn't give me enough time to really do anything, include nap. And it was pretty hard to find babysitters. So now that Wayne has come, my life is getting more manageable. He is teaching all the Saturday classes and a couple of my other classes. But his main focus will be opening a new school at another location.

It's also been good to have someone to talk to in English. One of the things I've always liked about Japan is forming relationships with people you normally wouldn't hang out with at home. Wayne is 24 and just finished college. I can't in my wildest dreams imagine us being friends in the U.S. But in Japan, since we are thrown together and there aren't other people readily available, we turn to each other.

Bonnie also loves him, of course. And she is constantly telling people that I have a crush on him, which is wishful thinking on her part. He has a half-sister who is Asian and he misses her, so Bonnie is good for him. They both love to play arcade games and he sometimes takes her to one near our house and plays girlie games with her! He has also taught her how to win her Barbie game on her gameboy! She has no clue that 24-year-old guys really don't like Barbie. In her mind, Barbie is awesome-- period -- and anyone should know that! He was over here last Saturday just hanging out and it was cute to see Bonnie perfectng her flirting technique. She really knows how to wrap men around her little finger. Wayne told me she was going to break some hearts when she was older.

It's good to have a work colleague, too. The other day we were talking about reactions to the guy we work for. During this conversation, Wayne happened to say, "He doesn't want to hear any excuses; he just wants you to get it done." Quite a good insight from someone who is just starting his first "real" job. So, even though I've been working for more than 25 years and Wayne is just starting out, I can learn something from him.

leave your shoes at the door

Entering a House in Japan

The entrance area is called a "genkan."

See the picture on the left? I wish this was our genkan, but it's not. This is a picture of a very neat genkan that I found on the web. Notice how the shoes are properly pointed to the door. I'm sure those are the guests' shoes.

Next, we have another picture of a genkan that I found on the net (don't have a digital camera so can't show you ours). This is more of what ours usually looks like. If you know us very well, you're not surprised.

Welcome to our Japanese home!

When you walk in the door you see the "genkan." It is a square area set level to the outside, maybe 2 feet square. This is where you take off your shoes. On the right is a tall, narrow closet set into the wall. When you open the door, you see row after row of shelves running from the floor almost to the ceiling. The bottom shelves show spots of bright color from Bonnie's shoes: pink flip-flops, sparkly Hello Kitty high heels, green sandals. The top rows are filled with the more subdued tones of mama's brown mules, black flats, white slip-ons. I think the genkan is a great addition to a house. I wish we had a place like this in our house back in America to put our dirty shoes when we walk inside. I have always taught Bonnie to take off her shoes when she walks into the house because "only barbarians wear shoes in the house" so we always had a mishmash of shoes piled up by our back door. I like the organization of the genkan. And another nice thing about it: people in Japan never come past the genkan when they come into your house unless they are specifically invited. So when Bonnie's friends come to drop her off, I can stand at the door and chat with them without feeling like I have to invite them in (which is avery rare thing to do in Japan anyway) and without figuring out how to get them to leave (they tend to stay for a VERY long time, very late at night when I need to eat and get to bed).

When a guest comes into the house, you're supposed to turn their shoes around so they are facing the door, thereby making it easier for them to exit your place. I never seem to remember to do this! So our guests are always backing into their shoes. I wonder what they think of us.

There's another smaller "shoes box" next to the tall one. This one is full of nothing but slippers -- for guests to put on when they come in, I guess. Bonnie has put all of her bedroom slippers in there and occasionally likes to take out the Japanese slippers and wear them around the house. I am a barefoot gal myself and prefer not to wear slippers, especialy since I don't know where they've been.

This slipper thing extends to work as well. After we climb to the third floor, we put our shoes inside the box and take out some slippers. I'm pretty squeemish about wearing slippers that have been worn by anyone, especially kids, so I bought my own pair. I thought I'd be cool and get a pair of slippers that have a million tiny rubber bumps on the insole -- reflexology slippers. But, man, do they hurt! When I tell my adult students that, they sagely nod their heads. "Ah, so desu ka," they say, "That means there is something wrong with your body." Oh really, I thought it was the millions of tiny bumps eating into my tender feet whenever I walk. "No," they insist, "if you were healthy, you wouldn't feel it." I wonder if this is really true, or another example of unquestioned acceptance of authority. If the foot reflexologist says you won't feel it, then the problem must be with my body, not the shoes. Oh well, I still feel like I'm healthier for wearing them. If they hurt, they must be good for me!

Things have been a bit brighter for us since one of our friends gave us a VCR and lent us a bunch of tapes she had. I am getting to appreciate Full House like I never did before. And now that we have a VCR, we can rent videos from the video store and all our friends at home (that means YOU) can tape some TV and send it to us! Please!

Here's our top requests:

• Reality TV -- Survivor, the Apprentice, (someone is taping the Amazing Race for us already), America's Top Model (that is Bonnie's favorite, unfortunately) and Bonnie's favorite: Extreme Makeover Home Edition.
• Reruns: Brady Bunch, Little House, Full House, any family oriented show you can think of
• America's Funniest Home Videos - for Bonnie
• Law and Order for me ( my fave is SVU)

If you taped any of these and/or your faves (I already feel out of touch with American TV programming) we would be eternally grateful and we would also send you a cool souvenir from Japan!

Thanks!

Her "real" mama

Well, it's starting to feel more like home now. When I walked in the door tonight, my mind flashed back to the first time I saw that hallway and how strange it felt. Impossible to think it would ever be home. But it's becoming that way now.

Tonight Bonnie is out with her best friend, Ayano, for a sleepover. They went to a summer festival and Ayano's mom bought Bonnie a yukata -- a summer kimono. They stopped by the school before they left and I was stunned at the sight of her -- exquisite. Megumi (the mom) took pictures so I hope to post them soon. Somehow, seeing Bonnie in the yukata touches me deeply. It's so obvious that Asia is her home. It is all "right" somehow. She fits here. No matter how long we stay, I'll always be thankful that she had this experience -- this time of being in the majority, of seeing that Asian people are the power-holders in some corners of the world. But it makes me sad because now it's clear that she belongs here, in Asia (not Japan, but it's close!) and I can't conveniently overlook the fact that I took her out of her element.

Whether she knows it or not, Bonnie is responding to this environment. She can blend in to the crowd for the first time in her life and be anonymous. When someone gives her something, she bows her head and says, "arigato gozaimasu." Her favorite outfit is a skirt and top that we bought here in Japan. The kids fashions here are slightly different than in the U.S. and even the colors are different -- the brown is a different shade, more subtle. The whites have no hint of yellow since that wouldn't look good on olive skin. The pinks are not as bright.

I wasn't sure how to respond when Bonnie mentioned that she wantedto be Japanese. I quickly reminded her that she's Chinese and that being Chinese is good. "I know," she said, "but it's OK to be Japanese, too."

Where will this take Bonnie? I have no idea. I have to admit I didn't fully see this coming. I can feel a distance with her that I have not felt before. Is she pulling away or are we both just adjusting to a new culture? Today she told me that Ayano's mama is her "other real mama." I don't know what to make of this. From the beginning, I have told her about her birthmother and her foster mother. But when I ask which one is her "real" mother, she knows it is me. Now she has two mamas. Although she has been closer to some of our friends in the U.S. she has never called them "mama." I can't help but think she identifies with Megumi because they look the same. Or am I reading too much into it?

Only time will tell.

I'll keep you posted.

anaphyl-what?

For this week's culture lesson, let's visit the inside of an ambulance and an emergency room.

Yes, that is what I did this week! And I'm still alive to tell you about it. Apparently I have been eating a lot more eggs than I realized because on Thursday night I had a severe allergic reaction to them (anaphylactic reaction) and ended up in the hospital.

I could write the whole boring story, but who wants to read that? Instead, I'll just give you some impressions:

1. Just like everything else in Japan, the number to call for an emergency is the opposite of what you call in the U.S. Instead of 911, here it is 119.
2. When my face was swollen up like a huge strawberry, I met the local owner of the school who rushed to the clinic to check on me. Nice impression, I'm sure.
3. The ambulances in Japan are free. The ER visit, complete with IV drip and meds will probably cost me less than $100 and I have no insurance!
4. If you say anaphylactic with a Japanese accent, they will understand you.
5. Japan has no epi pens. I told my doctor he could keep it as a souvenir.
6. Japan doesn't have benedryl, although the doc had heard of it. He called around to several hospitals to see if anyone had some. I finally got some tablets of something, but I have no idea what they are -- except they made me sleep for about 2 days!
7. They had to use a triple dose of steroids to get my facial swelling to go down and even then, it didn't go away for about 48 hours.
8. In Japan, they use REAL eggs in their cakes and they brush egg whites on the top of the bread to make it shiny -- so I had been eating eggs without knowing it.
9. There is also egg in the chocolate.
10. And the bread.
11. If you tell someone in a restaurant that you're allergic to eggs and does the pizza have any eggs in it, they will rush back to the kitchen and ask. :)

I have been very hungry since Thursday night since there is very little I can eat in Japan. This makes the whole transition even harder and adds more stuff to do every day. But maybe I'll lose some weight! My boss is bringing 4 epi pens later this week and until then I'm pretty afraid to eat.

God must really have a sense of humor to send me to Japan. I can't eat eggs, rice, soy or chicken -- the staples of a Japanese diet. But it is a chance for Him to show his strength through my weakness. Tonight my students asked me how I can enjoy life if I can't eat anything. "How can you have any fun?" they asked.

"I have to find other ways to enjoy life," I answered.

I am learning that you can have fun that is centered on things other than food. It is a good lesson to learn. I wish I could eat anything I want, but I simply can't. And, although my stomach is empty, I am finding more pleasure in other things.

Well, I've got to go find something I can eat now. I'm STARVING! Bonnie just got done eating a bunch of chicken on a stick and my mouth is watering. I guess I'll have peanut butter or some cheese. Maybe both! :)

Karyn

Where do you live?

This is a picture of an "old" Japanese mailbox. However, when I lived in Japan 5 years ago, I saw them all the time. In Japan, all mailboxes are "red," but it looks like orange because the paint has faded. They also used to be round, which isn't so great when you consider the shape of most mail!

I realized today that I hadn't given out my new address in Japan and as I was looking at it, I realized that even with something so small, there are major cultural differences. For example, in Japan, very few streets have names. That's why it is so hard to give and receive directions.

I don't know what people did in the days before cell phones, but in Japan, when you are trying to find someone's house, you go to a landmark and call, go to the next landmark and call, etc. When I get directions from another foreigner, it's pretty easy. All of our landmarks have English names. But, even after I had lived here for 5 years, when a Japanese person tried to give me directions, I had no idea what they were talking about! We didn't have the same landmarks!

For example, all of my foreign friends would tell me to go to the big Coke sign on top of a building downtown, but my Japanese friends would tell me to go to such and such building (which was the building under the Coke sign, but the name of the building was in Japanese and I had never read it or known what it was).

So, here's my address:

Karyn Campbell
Presso Cartier B-101
4-40 Shinkurashiki eki-mae
Kurashiki, Okayama
710-0252

1. "Presso Cartier" is the name of my apartment "complex." They always have really beautiful French or English names, but the buildings themselves are sometimes not so beautiful.
2. "B-101" means building B, number 101
3. "4-40" is like a street address, but there's no street, so I'm not sure what it tells the postman
4. "Shinkurashiki" is the name of the Shinkansen (bullet train) station about 5 blocks from me.
5. "Eki-mae" means "in front of the station", which is not all the specific, considering what's between me and the station!
6. Kurashiki is the name of the closest town, which is maybe a mile or two from here. I actually live in a town called Tamoshima, but it is not indicated in my address.
7. Okayama is the prefecture (like a state, about the size of Connecticut)
8. 710-0252 is the zip code

So when you give an address, you are really giving directions to your house. The mail carriers here have to memorize where everything is since it's not very obvious from the address. However, when they see a foreign name, they know exactly where to go! It helps that foreigners have lived in this apartment for several years.

Anyway, please write to us sometime. It's fun to get real mail from the U.S. And if you want to send an e-mail you can leave a comment on the blog and it will come to me (but it will be seen on the blog, too) or you can write to me at: karynsuecampbell@yahoo.com

Karyn

Surreal Life

Weird.
Strange.
Surreal.
I can't describe how it feels to be back. Not like I expected. In some ways, better. In some ways, worse. My friends who are missionaries here say this is how they feel sometimes after coming back to Japan from a year's furlough in the U.S. I remember this feeling from before -- it's home, but it's not. Where is home anyway?
I just spent the day with several gaijin (foreigners) at my old friend's house on the other side of Okayama prefecture. I really needed this day and to forget, for a while, that I'm in Japan. It has been harder than I expected -- coming back. I often want to cry.
Who am I?
Why am I here?


Osaka, Japan

I feel like a coin -- one side American.
The other side Japanese.
Toss the coin.
See where it lands.
In America it landed too often with the Japanese side up.
In Japan, the American side -- always visable.

There is so much stuff to report. I hardly know where to begin.


Impressions:

• Lining up for passport control in Osaka's Kansai airport and seeing the same guy behind the counter who had stamped my passport so many times before. His hair is gray now, but his face hasn't changed. Of course, he doesn't remember me. Thousands of gaijin pass through this gate every day. "Are you here for business or pleasure?" "How long will you stay?" Stamp. Face expressionless. Next.
• Finding dried squid in the airport sundries shop. Gotta buy some of that. It's like sweet, fishy jerky. The flavor transports me back.
• First morning. Bonnie wakes up at 3 a.m. I make her go back to sleep. She wakes again at 5. I let her watch a DVD. At 7 a.m. I am starving. We venture out to the awakening hotel and find a small shop open. They serve sandwiches (Sandwich Heaven, it's called). Bonnie wants a hot dog for breakfast. She never eats hot dogs at home. But she likes it-- after we remove the lettuce. I get a ham and cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee. Have to pay full price for a refill. I am shocked at the $14 bill. Bonnie is happy. She can run and play near the water fountain and I don't have to watch her. "There are not many bad strangers in Japan," I tell her.
• We catch a shinkansen (bullet train) to the heart of Osaka. Bonnie is excited. She wants to sit by the window, but doesn't care about the scenery. She wants to play with her new game boy! In Osaka we meet my best friend, Kaori. Although I haven't talked to her for five years (barring the occasionaly clipped e-mail), we take up where we left off. "You haven't changed a bit," she lies. "Neither have you," I say truthfully. I don't want to leave her and go to Kurashiki. I have missed her so much. Bonnie takes to her naturally. I make her promise to come visit me as soon as possible.
• Bonnie spends her allowance on her first Japanese souvenir -- a new sparkly blue purse. I teach Kaori a new phrase in English -- "bling bling."
• On the way to Kurashiki, we pass my old train station. I can't orient myself. My last 5 years in Japan, I drove everywhere and I am not familiar with the train route. It's like waking from a dream that plays elusively on the edges of consciousness. If I could just concentrate, I could get it back. But it's gone.
• We get to Kurashiki and Yumiko (manager of the school) meets us at the train platform. She valiantly pulls my suitcases the 5 blocks to our apartment. It is tiny. Like a dollhouse. I had forgotten how small. The whole apartment could fit into my master bedroom at home! I am hit by a tsunami wave of culture shock. How can I live in this tiny space? But I lived here before and I should know what to expect. Only I don't. I feel guilty that I am surprised. I smile and nod. "Very cute," I say. Bonnie is delighted. "It's just my size," she exclaims. Everything is her size -- like a dollhouse. The milk is in a tiny carton that she can pour herself. She can reach the back of the freezer. She doesn't need a stool for the sink. Bonnie is so happy. Why aren't I?
• There's a 24 hour grocery store across the street. Yumiko walks there with us. I see all the food I haven't been able to eat for 5 years. I want to try it all again. Bonnie loves the fried chicken on a stick. She eats it for lunch and dinner for two days. She can have rice whenever she wants. She tells me she loves Japan. "I never want to leave here," she breathes. She refers to our apartment as "home."

So, it has been surreal.

Overwhelming.

Weird.

But I'm starting to get used to it.

Prayer Requests 6-13-06

Wanted to update these prayer requests. Not sure how this will publish, but bear with me as I try this out. Updated in blue on July 1, 2006

1. We leave Charlotte, NC at 12:30 p.m. on Monday, June 19. We will have about an hour layover in Detroit and depart for Osaka at 3:40 p.m. That flight is about 14 hours. We arrive in Osaka at 6 p.m. June 20 (cross the international date line). That night we will stay in the airport hotel. The next day we will take a train to Kobe (about 90 minutes from the hotel) and meet my friend Kaori for lunch. Then we will go to Kurashiki (about 1 hour) and meet Rachel, see our apartment, etc.
2. I am praying that we will get at least 3 seats on the plane so we can have some room to spread out. Bonnie is not a good traveler so this will be a hard trip for her. Pray that I will find creative things to do with her (I'm bringing a bunch of stuff). I found out that we can't recharge the batteries on our computer or DVD player so we will only have, at most, 3 hours of time on those. :( Because of my size, this won't be a very comfortable trip for me either. Pray that we can both get some sleep and not get on each other's nerves.

The flight was full, but uneventful. Bonnie stayed up through most of it. I lived :) but it was extremely uncomfortable. There were no extra seats, but we had a nice person in our row. Bonnie was never bored, but I was!

1. Pray that I won't have problems at the airport with the extra luggage, the carry-ons and getting Bonnie out of the country. With so many family kidnappings, they require a notorized document from the spouse, but there is no father in our case so I have to bring her birth certificate, etc. It will be an extra hassle.

No problems anywhere!

1. My car. I will be dropping it off at the last minute and have no idea what will happen. God knows, though. I need to trust in HIm (I have no other choice).

Continue praying. Someone in my church is selling it for me.

1. My condo. Salvation Army is coming next Wed. to pick up some of the furniture, but they won't go up the stairs! And I will be in Japan so a friend is coming over, but she can't get it down herself. I really don't know how this will work out, so pray that someone will help us. Along those lines, I have several items of furniture that I'd like to take to a consignment store, but I have no one to help me get them there. Tomorrow (Thursday) is the last day they will take them.

They still haven't gotten me moved, but someone in my church is taking care of it, thank goodness. Pray they will get it done soon so I can get it rented (see below)

1. Leasing the condo. I have a property management company who will handle this, but they can't do an inspection until I get moved out (which will most likely be after I leave for Japan) so pray that I can get it in reasonable shape. They will charge me for any cleaning, painting or hauling of junk. :) Pray for good tenants to move in quickly.

Continue praying (see above)

1. Pray I will find time to get my international driver's license, all my meds and some other last-minute errands done on Friday (places won't be open over the weekend).

Somehow it all got done! Praise! Thanks Jean and Kelly!

1. Continue praying for Bonnie as she is not happy about all of this. Pray for some of her friends here who are having a hard time with her leaving.

She was in a honemoon phase with Japan for a while, but now she is more realistic. She really needs friends. Continue praying.

1. Pray for my relationships with people at Agape -- here and in Japan: students, colleagues, parents, etc.
2. Pray for childcare for Bonnie

Prayer still needed for these!

1. Jet lag (brutal, as I recall)

I survived. Thanks to Ambien. :)

1. I am so thankul that God has found me worthy of this opportunity. I can't believe I am finally seeing my dream of foreign missions come true.

Love you all,

Karyn

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

First, of course, the good!

1. I received a very generous, anonymous donation from someone in my church which gives me enough monthly support to get Bonnie high quality daycare and meet any unexpected expenses. This came out of nowhere and was NOT sought so it has been confirmation to me that I'm doing the right thing.
2. I have a couple of awesome friends who keep coming over to my porch and taking loads of stuff to Goodwill and bags of junk to the dumpster. One of these friends is about to leave for an arduous missions trip to Belize on Saturday and has given up her precious time to help us!
3. We are staying with some dear friends who have Bonnie's best friend for a daughter! Bonnie gets to spend time with her every day and this is a great memory for her to have before she leaves.
4. My best friend in Japan is going to meet us in Kobe our first full day in Japan and take us to lunch. I can't wait to see her. Her name is Kaori and I haven't seen her for five years!
5. I find myself turning to God daily and He ALWAYS somehow makes it do-able. Psalms 91 says we will rise up with the wings of eagles and that is what I pray for. I have read the Christian cliches so many times that the words could easily spill out: God is so faithful, God meets our every need, etc. Many times when I read those things I would get angry. I didn't feel God's faithfulness, my needs weren't being met. But now I am experiencing this. I don't know if it's because I am finally doing what He has planned for me or if it's because I am turning to Him (but I've done that before, so I doubt if it's that) or if it's something else (most likely it is not something I can control). But I am thankful to be exeriencing it. I am seeing God in a way that I never have before. I can finally understand some of the words of Paul that I felt were just words before. I finally "get" it -- that God loves even me, that He not only wants good things for me but is providing them. That His ways are higher and better than my ways.

Next up -- the (kind of) bad

1. Bonnie still doesn't want to go, which is normal. Please pray for her -- specifically to find a best friend and good childcare.
2. I've reached my limit as far as stress goes and am crying easily, very tired. On top of the packing (see below), I have to get prescriptions filled, take care of paperwork, get my house rented, blah, blah, blah.

And finally, the downright ugly!

1. I am sick of packing. Although we are living with friends, every day I come over here and pack. It is very discouraging, especially since I have other things to do and I feel like I'm not making enough progress. Please pray.

Goodbye Mr. Chips

That's what it feels like today as I sit at my desk at Woodlawn School, cleared of everything but the memories of the past year. Funny how you end up doing things you always swore you wouldn't do. I was never going to be a teacher and when I got into teaching I only wanted to teach college. Then I thought, well, maybe high school would be OK. And I wind up teaching English to 14 precocious 8th graders in Davidson, NC. Today I saw them for the last time and I'm feeling all maudlin about it.

A vase of wild flowers sits on my desk. Some of the teachers got them for me with a muffin in a paper bag that says, "Good morning, Karyn." They know I'm not a morning person. :) The flowers are appropriate. Woodlawn is not your average school. Like wildflowers, it sprang up in the farmland of Davidson, next to the beautiful and sophisticated "rose" of Charlotte, NC. The classes are in small, white clapboard buildings -- two or three classrooms in each building. Outside my window is a blacktop area with a basketball hoop and several picnic tables. How many days have I sat here, working or eating my lunch, listening to the ball bouncing outside as childish voices drifted through my mind?

My students were wildflowers, too -- some rough edges, some prickly parts, but no thorns. Stick them in a vase with a little bit of water and they thrive.

I thought this place was the square hole that I would fit into -- innovative, progressive, alternative education theory. Perfect. Finally a place that appreciated someone who thinks outside the box. But it wasn't a good fit. Long story that I won't go into here.

As I carried my bag of stuff accumulated over a year out to my car, I felt the weight of goodbye fall on my shoulders. The familiar sting of tears. It's not just goodbye to Woodlawn or even to my students, it's goodbye to:

• my dream of finding a place I would fit
  
• the family I had found among the like-minded teachers here
  
• the ability to be creative and innovative at work
  
• a beautiful setting to come to every day
  
• loving my job for the first time
  
• having something important to contribute Woodlawn's Stinson Hall
  
  I cry also for the fact that because I lost my job here I am now going to Japan. It's HARD to make that move. I have had a crushing couple of weeks and more ahead of me. I don't feel that the people I'm going to work for appreciate me and what I'm giving up to go there. If only things had worked out here, I would not be facing this. I would finally have "my place" in the world. The long wait for a job would be over.
  
  But, no, it begins again. Japan is not permanent. Some day I will have to come back to the real world and find a "real job" and worry about paying for college and retirement. I am going forward with the next step, but deep inside I wonder, what is to become of me?
  
  So, today it is goodbye to Woodlawn and hello to -- possibilities.

ah choo!

"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
~Jennifer Yane

That's what happened to me yesterday! My allergy-prone body said it had enough of all the dust mites stirred up by this craze of moving and went on overload. When I opened the window in my living room to catch a bit of the night breeze, my palms started itching. As the little bits of the pecan trees joined the dust mites in my lungs (I'm allergic to pecan trees, but not the nuts!), my head started to itch. Then my lips felt fuzzy and my eye started swelling up. Fortunately, a friend came by in the midst of this and we called my allergy doctor to see if I needed to go to the ER or stick myself with the epi pen or what. He had me take a bunch of benedryl, told me I could "never do anything like this[meaning cleaning out my attic] again," and told me to come in and get some steroid treatments (I passed on that one) the next day.

Today I was wiped out from the benedryl kickback and I guess my body is telling me enough is enough! But I'm not done yet. Still have one more day of work, have to finish packing (more dust!) and take care of my house, car, etc. here.

For those who pray, here is what you can pray for:

1. Praise for all the people who helped with packing this weekend
2. Praise that I didn't need to go to the hospital last night
3. Pray for people to help me get my stuff to Goodwill and various consignment shops
4. Getting my stuff packed by Saturday
5. Wisdom in knowing what to take to Japan
6. Healing for my body and strength to do what I need to do
7. Pray for Bonnie as she is becoming more vocal about her fears and sadness. Everytime someone gives her a farewell gift, she gets angry with me. Pray for our relationship.
8. Someone to rent my condo and the Lord's intervention with the lease on my car
9. My trust in God to provide our financial needs (support is not what I thought it would be)

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. "

2Corinthians 4:7-9