I can't breathe

June 28th

That's the date. Had a meeting with my church and Raj this morning and we ARE going to Japan. I am going to get passports next week and put my house and car on the market. This is where the rubber hits the road.

I MUST trust that God will provide.

But I am SCARED! Good thing greater people than I have been in the same situation. Hudson Taylor the founder of China Inland Mission (now known as Overseas Missionary Fellowship, I think) said, "God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply."

I have tried to go about this in God's way. I'm sure it is God's work. So now I look for God's supply. Wish it was a easy to do as it is to WRITE! After my first support letter, I got pledges of about $150 per month and $500 one-time with more people saying they would make decisions when I had made MY decision. My church feels this is good enough to go on. It scares me, frankly. But, you know what? Even what I have now is more than I've made here in the U.S. for quite a while! So, it's not like I'm leaving a sure thing for a risky thing. :)

My faith is very, very small -- but it maybe is the size of a mustard seed. Another quote from Hudson: "God isn't looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him." I hope that's true. I have been willing to follow Him to Asia for several years now. Heck, I was willing to follow Him the first time He asked me if I wanted to go.

I'm scared, but I'm learning to throw that stuff on God right away. I can't tell you how many times in the past few weeks I have prayed these two prayers over and over:
1. God help me!
2. Satan get away from me!

Reminds me of another quote by Taylor: "God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." I have always been weak and feeble, but haven't been good at leaning on Him. I have resisted that and it is still my tendancy. What a strange person for God to send as a missionary. I am not one of great faith. I am not a prayer warrier. I am not one who is "in love" with God. But I am a willing follower with an unquenchable desire to do "missions" in Japan. God surely chooses stange people, doesn't He?

But one thing I do have in my favor (if there is such a thing in a situation like this!) is that I believe God is BIG. Another famous missionary, William Carey, who worked in India, said "Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God." That is a theme that has come out of my prayers the past two weeks. Either God is big or He isn't. If He is God and He is big then getting me to Japan is a small thing for Him. I want to see a big God. That is what I long for.

So I am going forward, but it is going to take a BIG God.

Please pray for the following major things right now:

• That God would provide the monthly support and one-time finances we need. This is mostly for things to be comfortable for Bonnie the first year. I could live on very little in Japan and have done so, but it's harder with a child.
• If there are more people I should approach for support, that God will give me wisdom about that.
• That I can liquidate my car and condo (this seems impossible to me)
• That I can get my house packed up (I will need help from people on this)
• That God will continue to reassure Bonnie about the move (and me, too, for that matter)

THANKS!!!